Roadtrip

Recently when asked to describe where I am at in my spiritual journey, I was inspired to use the analogy of road trip. I love road-trips. I love the sense of adventure that comes along with going long distances in the car. So when this comes to describing where I am at in life it is easy. I am going, pretty sure I know the destination, the general area to head, but there are some things wrong. My map flew out the window, I am running really low on gas and pretty sure that I do not have enough money to make it where I am going and I have a flat tire. Now that all of that is out I will unpack and try to apply a passage of scripture to it.
The trip. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has called me into vocational ministry, more specifically to plant a church. I have prayed about this and it is a burning desire on my heart. While this is my current destination, I know that of course it is not the final destination. It is a stop, I am sure it is one of many.
The missing map. For a while I was pretty sure that I knew how I was going to get where I was going. Had it pretty well planned out and I was ready to go, really, really ready to go. Had a couple of companions who were ready to go with me. We saw the path that we believed was ahead. The map flew out the window; we got separated, and now are headed in seemingly different directions.
Fuel. Right now I feel sort of like I am running on empty. Now I must admit that most of this is my fault but my fuel is low and I don't know if I have enough of what it takes to refuel at this moment, or I am scared of asking Jesus to help me. I want to be self sufficient on this trip; I want to show him that I can do it.
Flat tire. It is what it is. I am stopped on the side of the road and I am a very impatient person. I hate it when things delay me from where I am trying to go. It makes me cranky, rude, and not a nice person to be around.
So there it is unpacked and as I unpack it I am able to see a lot of the problems within the situation. Somewhere along the way I have become jaded, cynical, and extremely temperamental. I scoff at many things. I feel like there is this cranky man inside. I feel frustrated, stuck, and unaware of my surroundings. I feel as if I am on the side of the road trying to fix this flat while other people are just whizzing by getting to where they are going and I am stuck, unsure of myself, and afraid of what is going to happen if I just get out the Jesus AAA card and call because I know there I things that I need to do. There are things that I need to do that are going to hurt. It hurts for me to let Jesus fix my flat tires, because I am so over confident in my own abilities. It hurts for me to ask Jesus for more gas money because I can provide for myself. And it really hurts for me to ask Jesus where I am going because I already know that. I am a wretched crooked man and I am stuck in the rut of my own self sufficiently and I and no one else is delaying my trip.
As I sit her writing this I am in tears because I know what I have to do and I know somewhat the pain that it is going to take to get back on the road. There will be some busted knuckles and some scraped knees from my roadside experience, but this is what I have asked for. I don't how many times I have pleaded in prayer that Jesus mold me and shape, I mean I have begged for it. But for such a long time I have been afraid to accept it fully afraid of what it might really do to me. I am a weak man. I claim the Gospel in every situation but my own. I want Jesus to shape and change everything around me. Then I remember how I am justified and how freeing that is and that at this very moment I am being sanctified, as painful as it is, it is glorious. This is everything that I preach about. This is everything that I sing about. Sanctification is the road-trip. It is the journey and yet I am so torn. I plead and beg for it so many times but I am unwilling to accept it when it comes. It is like if I was a little kid begging for the bad tasting medicine that would help me so much but then refusing it when my mom comes to me with it. But here is my hope:

23Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.

That is my curse and my hope. Amen, that he who has called me is faithful, he will never let me down. He is giving me what I need to sanctify me, to make me more like him. And oh it hurts, it hurts a lot, and this is the beginning, but I need it. And not to be a better person, but for the Glory of the Father, I need this discipline.