Oh Thomas

I am not going to lie. My wife and I, we find ourselves in a really tight, faith-stretching situation right now. Two months ago we decided to resign from the church that we were at so that I could go back to school and start the process of planting a church in the St. Louis area in about five years. So many people told me how big of a stretch this was and how I must be nervous and to make sure because this was such a huge step, but I was confident and maybe just a little too confident. We were still getting paid and I was working an extra job. All of this will come to an end on the 17th of December, a week and a day from the time I am writing this. This week has been very emotional and stressful for Kim and I. New bills coming due, student loans coming due, and my enthusiasm for this plan is slowly starting to swindle. Oh me of little faith!!! I know that Jesus laid this direction on our hearts and we are only beginning yet I am wavering. My actions perplex me to the core but I can still see how God is working on us and maturing us. I have tried to seek wise council instead of spilling my guts to anyone that would listen. It has caused Kim and I to put things into perspective financially and for us not to just give up and lazily rely on grace and mercy but to seek out plans. And in the midst of this situation God continues to show me glimpses of hope in ordinary situations and people. He never provides me with a full answer, with which I am sure that I would devise my own plan, rather he gives me little tastes of what he is doing, in essence testing the fact whether or not I really believe what I say when I say that he is sovereign.

I then came across this passage after searching for some encouragement and comfort in the Word of God

10I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. 11Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
14Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble. 15And you Philippians yourselves know that in the beginning of the gospel, when I left Macedonia, no church entered into partnership with me in giving and receiving, except you only. 16Even in Thessalonica you sent me help for my needs once and again. 17Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that increases to your credit. 18I have received full payment, and more. I am well supplied, having received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent, a fragrant offering, a sacrifice acceptable and pleasing to God. 19And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 20To our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.

(Philippians 4)

Paul really speaks to our situation here by giving examples from his own life. He had been through hell and back and yet was still able to recognize the providence of God throughout and after the fact. I really think it is so funny how we use verses 13 and 19 out of context so many times, quoting them and claiming them without the rest, but they all fit together. Christ strengthens us through the spirit to make it through, not necessarily how we plan but what is in his perfect providence. Then we are told that he will provide for all of our needs. So many times there are things that I think I need but I really do not know my own self. This verse really speaks to me on another level because I know that Jesus knows what I need and he is faithful to provide many times even in the midst of my disobedience. The riches of God’s glory know no ends, and I will rest in that fact knowing that he has just the right amount but more than enough to provide for me.
Many times I have asked God to strength and stretch my faith, yet I am never thankful for when it happens. But right now I am thankful. I am learning, learning what it means to be a husband, a pastor, a student, a friend, and most importantly a Christ follower. Oh tomorrow I once again my acquire the attributes of a certain famous Thomas from the Gospels, but for now I have a divine glimpse of hope, and I am okay with that.
loveandserve
jj